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Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro
Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro is the forty-fourth episode of Death Battle. It will feature Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro. Description It's the clash of the modern tall tale legends! When a Texas karate master and a Sega Saturn hero fight to the death, who will be left? Interlude Wiz: Tall tales of superhuman feats have existed for as long as man been telling stories, and today, we pit the greatest of these legends in a clash of East meets West. Boomstick: Chuck Norris..... No real introduction needed. Wiz: And Segata Sanshiro, defender of the Sega Saturn, of all things. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick... Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapon, armor and skills to find out who will win a Death Battle. Chuck Norris Boomstick: In ancient China, there was a legend that one day a child would be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man... is NOT Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man! Wiz: Carlos Ray Norris, yes that's his real name, was born into to a humble Oklahoma family in 1940. A loner, mediocre student and all-around unintimidating pacifist, his childhood... was... pitiful. Boomstick: That is until he answered the call of his country, joined the United States military, and began training in martial arts. From the day he threw his first punch, his life was changed forever. Wiz: Turns out Chuck is a naturally gifted in the ways of violence. After his military career, he wandered America for 10 years battling in martial arts competitions. He racked up 183 victories, held the professional midway karate championship titled for 6 years, AND became the 1st westerner in the history of Taekwondo to earn the 8 degree black belt. Boomstick: But he didn't stop there. Chuck achieved black belt status in 5 additional disciplines: Tang Soo Do, Karate, Brazilian jujitsu, Judo, and even one he created, "CHUCK KWON DO". Wiz: Close. It's actually Chun Kuk Do, or "Universal Way". Where Chuck harnesses the powers of the universe to achieve superhuman feats. Chuck Norris: With one hand, I can crush coal into diamond. Wiz: So impressed at himself, he hired a team of filmmakers to document his life of newfound powers. Some of these real-life accounts include the "Delta Force", "Walker, Texas Ranger", and "Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos", just to name a few. Boomstick: According to these archives, Chuck can kick a man so hard, he does six backflips, fire more bullets from a machine gun that can actually hold... without reloading, and even transformed into (*beep)ing animals. (birds of prey screech; man scream) Why doesn't he do that more often? Wiz: Because the most dangerous animal in the world, is... Chuck Norris. Chuck has taken his already unprecedented abilities even further through over 35 years of intense training on his secret weapon, the Total Gym. Boomstick: He even had to create his own pants with a secret gusset to keep them from exploding off his body due to his sheer kicking power. He calls them... "Chuck Norris ACTION JEANS". Wiz: Naturally, powers like these has spawned hundreds-- no, thousands of myths of what Chuck Norris is capable of, making it very difficult to separate fact from fiction. That is until Chuck released a book officially chronically 101 of his favorite feats. Boomstick: Fact #67: When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the Earth down. Wiz: Fact #95: Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Boomstick: Fact #80: According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can Roundhouse Kick you... yesterday. Wiz: Fact #71: Scientist has estimated that the energy given off from the Big Bang was roughly equivalent to 1 CNRK, 1 Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. Boomstick: And those are just the few of the ones we know are true. In addition, legend has it that beneath his magnificent beard lies a third fist. Wiz: Chuck is as tough as they comes, or rather tougher. Once, after being beaten unconscious and buried underground inside a truck, he revived himself with a beer shower, and miraculously drove the truck OUT OF THE EARTH! Boomstick: He's proficient with many different vehicles. Speedboats, Helicopters, a motorcycle that shoots rockets, and weaponized dolphins. Wiz: Whom he can communicate with. Chuck Norris: I'll take care of Angelfish. And you guys make sure no one get out of here. Boomstick: He also has a keen sense of awareness, and is aware of anything. Even a giant alligator parachuting in through a window. Wiz: He also put together a team of heroes and save the world on multiple occasions. Boomstick: This really is all that is man. Wiz: But don't mistaken unrelenting masculinity for perfection. Despite his impressive martial arts records, he still suffered a total of 10 loses. Boomstick: And that's not to mention his massive amount of chest hair. Although infinite and a source of power, it makes him easily grabable, and even once aided in his own, you know, death at the hands of Bruce Lee. Wiz: Luckily for Chuck, Death itself fears him. So he just, kinda, kept going. Boomstick: In all our years or research, we've never found an opponent worthy enough to take on the roundhouse kicking, beard-punching, Texas Ranger.... Until now! Sylvester Stallone: I heard another rumor, that you were bitten by a king cobra. Chuck Norris: Yeah I was. But after five days of agonizing pain.... the cobra died. Segata Sanshiro Wiz Japanese folklore holds a plethora of horrifying tales.Raiden, the God of Thunder, devours the stomachs of children. Kappas, monsters that dwell in rivers, drowns their victims and rip their soul out their anus. Boomstick: And then there's the legend of the karate master who will beat you within an inch of your life if you aren't playing a Sega Saturn. His name is Segeta Sanshiro. Men. Women. Children. Nobody is safe from Segata's wrath. Wiz: In 1997, Sega's latest console the Sega Saturn was failing. Nintendo was dominating the market and things seemed bleak for this once great video game titan. Boomstick: That is until a mysterious stranger appeared with a plan so crazy, it just might work; He'd travel the land and beat the shit out of anyone not playing a Saturn. Wiz: And it did work. Sales skyrocketed, alongside the hospitalization of Japanese youth﻿, but not much is known about this mysterious savior. Boomstick: We do know that when he appeared, he had a giant Sega Saturn strapped to his back which he uses to train his physical and gaming prowess at the same time. Wiz: And he appears to be dating Sakura from Sakura Wars. Yes, he is somehow dating a video game character. Boomstick: Well I'm not surprised because this guy has done some pretty amazing things. He's kicked a baseball for a home run, raced over 60 miles per hour on ice barefoot, and won the World Cup by THROWING a player into the ball to score the winning goal. Wiz: He is a master of disguise and breaking and entering. He can duplicate and resize himself an unlimited number of times and once took down an entire club full of people in only three moves. Broomstick: But his favorite and most powerful technique is his earth-shattering judo throw, which can make his victims EXPLODE upon impact... twice. DEATH BATTLE! Chuck is seen in his log cabin next to a forest and mountain watching Delta Force ''on TV when it switches to a commercial break. '''Segata Sanshiro: '''Segata Sanshiro (''You must play a Sega Saturn)! Chuck changes the channel and sees another Segata commercial with the same message. He keeps switching channels, all with different Segata ads. Before he flips the switch, Segata jumps out of the TV with a giant Sega Saturn on his back. Chuck stands up as Segata tosses the system at Chuck, who crushes the system to dust with one hand. FIGHT! Segata dashes for Norris and both exchange a number of blows. Norris than backflips and pulls out a machine gun, but the bullets simply bounce off of Segata's chest. He than kicks Segata out of his house into a tree that breaks. Chuck Norris: If you come back in here, I'm gonna hit you with so many riots that you're gonna beg for a nap. Segata lifts up a tree, spins it around, and tosses it at Chuck. Chuck dodges it as it destroys his house. He lands three big punches on his opponent as well as an additional punch from the fist under his beard. He then runs around the Earth in a second to punch Segata in the back of the head, which takes down the forest with him. As he cracks his fists, Segata leaps out of the wreckage and judo throws his enemy into a mountain. Chuck explodes twice which destroys the mountain. As Segata walks away, Chuck flies back to the battlefield leaving a small crater where he is. Chuck is then surrounded by Sanshiro's clones, who kick and punch him multiple times in a circle. The large Sanshiro tries landing a final blow on Norris but he blocks the punch and throws Sanshiro through the Earth, breaking the planet in half. Chuck does a push up and pushes one half towards the moon where Sanshiro is. Breaking the moon and sending the half and Sanshiro flying. Sanshiro punches the half back to Chuck as he notices he is by Saturn. He takes Saturn's ring and flips it multiple times to increase it's speed. Sanshiro: '''Segata Sanshiro! The ring catches Chuck and breaks through multiple planets before it hits the sun. Segata arrives riding a piece of debris from Earth as Chuck escapes the sun. The sun explodes as Chuck and Segata stare at each other as the "Deal with it" sunglasses fall on them. The explosion causes a black hole sucking the two in. They both attempt on final blow as Chuck's roundhouse kick and Segata's punch clash with each other. A montage of previous Death Battle episodes as well as a picture of Ssj God Goku punching Superman appear as everything disappears. In the aftermath, there is a constellation of stars which form Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro fighting. '''KO? Announcer: Apocalyptic! Results Boomstick: Holy shit, that was awesome! But who won!? Wiz: I don't know. I think they're still going. Our instruments just can't pick them up anymore. I believe they might have ripped a hole in space time. So, they either traveled to another dimension, or completely destroyed their plane of existence or both. Boomstick: Well, god have mercy on wherever they ended up. I guess this one just kinda spaced out. Trivia *This is the second Death Battle to feature a non-fictional character (Chuck Norris), the first being Justin Bieber VS Rebecca Black. **This is, however, the first time a non-fictional character fights a fictional character. *Segata Sanshiro's bio at the first part of the analysis references the fact that his actor, Hiroshi Fujioka, played the role of the very first Kamen Rider. *Pokémon Battle Royale, Batman VS Captain America, Ragna VS Sol Badguy, Ryu VS Scorpion and a 2D version of Goku VS Superman are shown after a rip in space time is shown. **During Goku VS Superman's shot, Goku was shown fighting in his Super Saiyan God form **The Pokemon Battle Royale also had some changes in the background, appearing more 3D-like ** Aside from the Pokemon Royale and Goku vs Superman, all the fights shown were animated by Zack, who also did this episode. ** There is also a shot of a battle between Monkey D. Luffy of One Piece and Naruto Uzimaki of ''Naruto, ''probably a hint of things to come. *This is the first time Death Battle did not use the standard KO pic at the end of their battle. Instead, KO? is shown. **Also, "Apocalyptic!" is shouted. *This is the third Death Battle to end in a draw: the first two are Goomba VS Koopa and Justin Bieber VS Rebecca Black. **However, this is the first Death Battle where neither contestant dies. Category:Death battles Category:Season 2 episodes Category:Fights animated by Zack